Whose Love Are You Craving?
Until I quench my thirst with that of which I am truly craving I will always search to be relieved, always search for satisfaction without gratification.
I found myself craving some sort of attention; wanting to be seen and heard. I felt a need to be around adoration and get some well deserved TLC. I attempted to satisfy this craving by multiple outlets; vain random fandom and seeking the one I most adored who could never act right, only to be let down and disappointed by both. No person seemed to be in the right mindset to satisfy my needs the way I wanted them to be. It was shown to me that the need for affection could not be found by outward sources, it needed to be satisfied from within.
It seemed that even though I was openly looking for someone to give me affection no one could give me the level of attention that I desired. I wanted to feel loved and appreciated, I wanted to feel encouraged and be renewed. It was more than what simple flattery and temporary passion could satisfy. I knew exactly what I needed, but my conditioning gears me away from solitude, away from alone time. I have been conditioned to value being around someone and taught to believe being alone is a lonely place. When alone time can be a place of comfort and growth. I can give myself the exact love I crave in a way that only I can, spend my night doing exactly what makes me smile, and take the time to write out the thoughts that needed to be processed. The love I actually needed was the love from me, and thankfully the universe is moving to serve my best interest and lead me to the right outlet.
See, I thought I needed another person to give me the level of affection I was craving. In reality thinking this way was placing limits on myself and giving power to others over my emotions instead of giving that power to myself. I was thinking I needed someone else to give me the attention I wanted; I was in truth neglecting my own love. Thankfully, the universe made it so that other distractions were moved out of the way so I could really be with me, and really take advantage of the love I was missing out on.
No one else’s love or attention will ever be as refreshing as my own affection towards myself. It’s as if I was thirsty for water but kept drinking juice. While the juice with its sweet flavor temporarily relieves my thirst it will not fully quench how parched I am. Because what my body really needs is water, the substance from which it is made of, in order to really thrive. Until I quench my thirst with that of which I am truly craving I will always search to be relieved, always search for satisfaction without gratification. I will always be on the hunt for love that can only be found from within.
The truth is; the love I was craving was my own. To love myself first and to stop looking for the affection I was so desperately seeking for in other people. You cannot depend on someone else to give you the love that you are required to give yourself first. Your love for you is primary, anything else is extra, just side dishes, and your love for you is the entrée. Now with this new appreciate of loving myself, I can be open to exploring the love of someone else while not trying to live in their love. The goal is to be healthily in love with life and myself before anyone else.