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A Blerdy View, BlerdLife, Event, Queendom,

A Blerdy View: Self-Love Saturday Mixer

An afternoon filled with good energy, blissful vibes, and true self adoration. That is what we experienced this weekend at our premier Self Love Saturday mixer.


My heart was bursting as different women stopped by and took a moment to declare their love for themselves. Filling their cups with wine and eager to dive into the different activities garnered towards building their self-love. We wrote the beautiful truths about ourselves, laughed over our struggles, and we took one-step closer to truly acknowledging the greatness within ourselves.

One of the many truths that our mixer helped me to recognize is that everyone is in need of some self-love time. @Millispeaks, @JelisaTheWriter and I were fortunate enough to be the muses behind this self-centered event. Launch Houston, a versatile boutique nestled within the George R. Brown Convention Center, opened its doors as the setting for this truly magnificent self-love adventure. We started with just one table and quickly realized that the desire to spend some self-love time affected more than just a few people. Partakers took advantage of the opportunity to declare their love for themselves and participated in every single activity that we had prepared. Activities that included journaling opportunities, as well as writing a love letter dedicated to you from you detailing your magnificence as only you can.

As we chatted over drinks and self-love activities, we realized just how necessary self-love really is. It is essential for us to take self-love time in order to find happiness in our lives. We declare our love for anything and everything else; we display publicly our devotion towards our religion, spouses, and even employers as we head to work each day branded with our companies. However, with all that declaration we still have a difficult time declaring our love for ourselves. We created this event so that anyone passing by would be able to stop in and participate in a few loving gestures for yourself, even if the participation was only for a few minutes. However, once you start loving on yourself it becomes challenging to pause that admiration, and we learned that more opportunities to let self-love shine is needed for all. We will definitely be hosting more of these events so stayed tuned for how you can take advantage of some self-love time, and learn a few activities to continue loving on yourself each day.

 

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Dating Chronicles, Living Single, Queendom,

Pound Cake

Sweet and soft. Full of flavor and able to satisfy any sweet tooth. Perfect in the morning for a pick-me-up and even better at night for a midnight snack.


You can have it cold or warmed up, it’s good either way. Oh how delicious and soul satisfying is your favorite piece of pound cake. Needs no icing and if some is added it better be just as tasty as the cake or else don’t even bother with it. The concept of pound cake originated from a fellow writer and artistic soul mate of mine, Ms. Tracy @peacefulsgroove, during one of our writing meet-ups. Laughing over drinks and snacks we usually end up creating more conversations than short stories, but mayne are they GOOD talks. These talks actually end up giving me so much more to write about, especially when the discussion leads to a beautiful self discovery and a renewed perception of my own self definition.

As my writing group and I were attempting to embark on our weekly writing journey the discussion of self-love and dating emerged to successfully get us off track. We began to discuss how everyone must reach a point where they are comfortable with exactly who they are and see themselves as complete; needing no one else and not afraid of solitude. It is essential that we take the time to learn how to love every inch and aspect of ourselves, first, before seeking to add someone else to our lives. Not desiring a relationship or relations simply to combat loneliness, but rather embracing the beauty of the personal relationship you have with self. Our individual ingredients and prep time has to be completed all the way through, from mixture to finished product, prior to emerging ourselves into a romantic relationship. We have to learn to see ourselves like pound cake, needing no additional garnish in order to feel absolute.

“Pound cake don’t need nothin’, anything added to it is extra...”

To see myself as whole and complete, needing nothing but the creator and the ingredients he used to construct me, is such a powerful idea. What a statement to chew over, that anything else added to me is extra, and shouldn’t take from me or define me but rather add to the already complete me. This thought process would require me to see myself as lacking nothing and not requiring anyone in order to achieve happiness or acknowledge my self worth. I would have to grow to believe in my truly exquisite existence and be confident in my value. Confident enough to stand on a platter alone and declare with all certainty. I. Make. This. Plate.

“Pound cake don’t need nothin’…”

My friends voice replays in my head like a mutha fuckin mantra weighing heavy on my soul and burrowing deep within my mind. The conversation led me to question how my current thought process is set up. How am I really living my life and seeing myself. Am I comfortable and confident in my existence all on its own? Or am I constantly searching to fill my value with the company of someone else?

“Pound cake don’t need nothin’…”

I hear it again, yelling at my innerself, the phrase that is a necessity to live by. The words that need to blend in with how I feel about myself, just as pound cake don’t need nothin’, neither do I. Just like any garnish with pound cake should be adding value, so does anyone who has the fortune to be added to me.

“You should know you are the shit all on your own before anyone else is added.”

I should know this! But…how often do I question it? How often do I doubt the blackgirlmagic that is me? When you have knowledge of a fact you normally don’t go back and forth on the validity of your intelligence. For instance, no one has to convince you that the sky is blue or water is wet, you know this. That is the type of confidence she was speaking of, knowing you are the shit without any doubts. We should have complete knowledge of our personal bad assness, and know that we as individuals are the perfect dessert without any garnish.

“Pound cake don’t need nothin’”

It is good all on its own, and I am long overdue to start living in that belief regarding myself. This is a concept that I had to share because often I catch myself being skeptical of my own value, due to a number of different reasons. However, the time has come for me to actively pursue putting those thoughts to rest, and truly find peace with the awesomeness that is me. It is ok for me to know my worth and expect others to treat me accordingly. And it is also ok for me to take my time and wait for the one who will treasure me as I deserve to be treasured. Because if you aren’t adding to my worth you cannot be added to me; I’m pound cake and I don’t need nothin’ added in order to be complete.

 

 

 

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BlerdWerd, Outings, Queendom,

NOLA Darling.

WooooW…the one word I can use to describe all the vibes from this past Memorial Day Weekend/Bachelorette Celebration for one of the heauxs in New Orleans, LA.


I always love coming to this city, and this trip just made me fall even more in love. It was the energy of the wonderful people we encountered, the ambiance of the live music down virtually every block; it was the delicious food and stiff drinks, and the laughter that filled every single minute that made this trip so special.  We celebrated and walked around that city in the full glory of who we are, black and beautiful Queens.

This trip to NOLA had so much glow it was ridiculous, just outrageous for us to shine the way we were. Visiting this magical city with this group of Queens was an experience like no other; it was as if we discovered our own secret dimension of joy and queendom. On the first night of our trip we decided to live it up at The Hangover Bar, and really bring in our trip with full NOLA vibes. We listened to bounce music, shook a little something, and ate some really delicious lemon pepper wings. The next day we continued our cuisine experience with a trip to Oceana’s on Bourbon and Conti. Let me tell you, EVERYTHING about this Oceana’s visit was on point. Our food was scrumptious and flavorful, our waitress Bree was nice and knowledgeable, and we even got free crab cakes as a bonus! We were so full we had no choice but to walk on Bourbon St. for a hand grenade and a brief dance intermission at Razzoo’s. That evening we went back on Bourbon St. and partied until 4am, the full details of that night not to be discussed on this blog lol. On our last night, we experienced a beautiful surprise by eating dinner at Morrow’s a petite restaurant with full R&B vibes; before ending the night real chill on Frenchman St. Of course, before we left the next morning we had to hit up Café Du Monde for some strong ass coffee and deliciously sweet beignets.

All of the adventures from the trip were oozing with a good time, however the best part of our journey wasn’t even the activities we partook in. It was more than the good food and drinks, it was the laughter shared between four sister-friends and the freedom of being nothing else other than ourselves. We didn’t dress according to anyone else’s dress code, we didn’t speak in the politically correct manner that we would at the workplace, and we sure as hell didn’t give any fucks to how much we laughed and joked no matter what public place we were in. We were simply OURSELVES, and nothing could be grander and more freeing than living your life with no filters. Zero limitations, and no one around to judge, just a handful of like-minded individuals who pride themselves on their ability to let you be you. That is what was so amazing about this trip, to live and be accepted for exactly who we are.

Now that the trip is over, and the work hats are placed back on, I struggle to figure out a plan of action. I am uneasy because I have lived with no barriers and I want to experience that life more often and more completely. I want to live with no filters daily and not only on vacations or time away from work. To live my as completely me full time is the new goal. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get there…

 

Memories....

 

 

02 comments
Dating Chronicles, Queendom,

The Love You Are Craving…

I found myself craving some sort of attention; wanting to be seen and heard.


I felt a need to be around adoration and get some well deserved TLC. I attempted to satisfy this craving by multiple outlets; vain random fandom and seeking the one I most adored who could never act right, only to be let down and disappointed by both. No person seemed to be in the right mindset to satisfy my needs the way I wanted them to be. It was shown to me that the need for affection could not be found by outward sources, it needed to be satisfied from within.

It seemed that even though I was openly looking for someone to give me affection no one could give me the level of attention that I desired. I wanted to feel loved and appreciated, I wanted to feel encouraged and be renewed. It was more than what simple flattery and temporary passion could satisfy. I knew exactly what I needed, but my conditioning gears me away from solitude, away from alone time. I have been conditioned to value being around someone and taught to believe being alone is a lonely place. When alone time can be a place of comfort and growth. I can give myself the exact love I crave in a way that only I can, spend my night doing exactly what makes me smile, and take the time to write out the thoughts that needed to be processed. The love I actually needed was the love from me, and thankfully the universe is moving to serve my best interest and lead me to the right outlet.

See, I thought I needed another person to give me the level of affection I was craving. In reality thinking this way was placing limits on myself and giving power to others over my emotions instead of giving that power to myself. I was thinking I needed someone else to give me the attention I wanted; I was in truth neglecting my own love. Thankfully, the universe made it so that other distractions were moved out of the way so I could really be with me, and really take advantage of the love I was missing out on.

No one’s love or attention will ever be as refreshing as my own affection towards myself. It’s as if I was thirsty for water but kept drinking juice. While the juice with its sweet flavor temporarily relieves my thirst it will not fully quench how parched I am. Because what my body really needs is water, the substance from which it is made of, in order to really thrive. Until I quench my thirst with that of which I am truly craving I will always search to be relieved, always search for satisfaction without gratification. I will always be on the hunt for love that can only be found from within.

The truth is; the love I was craving was my own. To love myself first and to stop looking for the affection I was so desperately seeking for in other people. You cannot depend on someone else to give you the love that you are required to give yourself first. Your love for you is primary, anything else is extra, just side dishes, and your love for you is the entrée.

LOVE YOU!

 

 

02 comments
Dating Chronicles, Queendom,

Benching the Old Me

One of the many lessons I’ve learned this past year is that, for people like me, dating requires a particular protection over your heart.


There are a lot of people out there who only want to taste love not fully consume it. They aren’t ready to open themselves up to someone else, even if they allow the other person to open up to them. That is why now more than ever it is such a necessity to guard the heart when dealing with this caliber of person. You have to put yourself first, accept nothing but the love you deserve, and cut off with a swiftness anyone who doesn’t treat you accordingly (hell, that can even be said for outside of dating just people in general, but that’s another post).

Cutting a person off has always been a difficult task for me, because I hope so much in people and their improvement. I will hold on to a someone’s potential until they’ve burned me so much I can no longer grasp onto them without causing me harm. This sort of devotion is actually self-inflicting my own pain as I am purposely refusing to let go of someone until they have extensively burned me. That hope in people is a beautiful attribute, one so precious that it should only be reserved for the people who truly care for me in the same capacity that I do for them; and for that reason I have to change around some of my habits. The old me opens up and loves after seeing potential, the new and present me has to stay guarded until the person has proven worth. 

Of course, that is so much easier written than done because I am so accustomed to the old me and being the “good girl”, “wifey material”, “the main one”; and the wrong kind of man will see that and try to take advantage of it even if they aren’t noticing they are doing it. Not saying I am still not the girl to end all love searches cuz I am (lol), not saying that the “good girl” won’t reveal herself to the right one. Just saying I can no longer be a ride or die chick for ninjas (safe word for n*ggas) who only want to ride. Because…

When I love I am loyal.

When I love I dedicate time.

When I love I give myself to the person.

I am a climb mountains, cross valleys, no matter what it takes kind of loved one. If I am in my right mind and can do a requested task for you I will, my heart knows no other way to function when face to face with someone I care about. I find that trait about myself priceless; I can feel the loving tendencies of all of my ancestors filling me up and making me who I am. This particular feature is too delicate to release to every party guest, just like the fine dishes in mamas china hutch. These dishes are only to be brought out for special people on special occasions; much like my love is meant to be. I am fine china and my love is like precious crystal, non-dedicated hands need not touch. I do not need anyone with slippery agendas handling something as fragile as my heart, which requires me to stop giving it to them.

I have the power over whom my love is shared with, and the present me knows that I have to play my best hand when I have the right partner, not before. In the meantime I am not going to male bash or say I won’t have fun with these ninjas, cuz I will. No one is perfect and I cannot cut myself off from people all together just because some do not have the capacity to accept real love. I just know the importance of protecting me and mines from spending energy on the fake when my heart is so fine.

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BlerdWerd, Queendom,

2018…The Year of the Ass-Kicking

2018…

A year of massive, earth shattering change; changes that were both unexpected and fully appreciated all at the same time.


This year put aside all my childhood visions of how life was supposed to turn out and replaced those visions with the view that anything at all is possible in my life. Not just what I thought life should be but the unexpected victories that God has in store for me, victories that will surely bump me in the head and say, “Gurl, you have no idea how life is ‘supposed’ to be.”

Now when all these changes were happening I wasn’t as appreciative and vision focused as I am now. I lost a few relationships; one romantic relationship that I actually lost end of 2017 but the after effects bled into 2018, I thought that relationship would last forever, and it took me more time than I wanted to get over that lost. I lost a few friendships that really shook me and showed me that no amount of love you can give a person can ever guarantee anyone else’s loyalty back to you. I was hurt, felt abandoned, and felt alone. In this loneliness I was forced to face things about myself I really wasn’t ready to face. I had expected myself to have a certain career at my age, a husband, kids, and at the moment I had none of those things. I had to deal with myself by myself and it made me realize how much I needed to love myself. I went through a forced career change, a change that may have saved my creative life, but cost me my financial security. All these changes forced me to find my foundation in entities other than peoples love and money. These changes slapped me in the face and forced me to look at life completely different than what I was use to, and honestly it was a good thing.

It was good for me to let go of the old me in favor of the new me. I was no longer the girl with those childhood dreams, and it was about time I accepted that and stopped fighting it. I’m a completely different person than who I was when I was in high school, and better yet completely different than the person I was a year ago. I’m still on the road to acceptance and discovery, but I’m much further along than I was when I started this year. When I started this year I was full of sadness and frustration at where my life was, and ending the year I am fully accepting where I am, who I am, and where I’m going. It’s this acceptance that has helped me find love for myself through my flaws, and I’m confident in 2019 that love will continue to grow. If it wasn’t for all of the people that walked out of my life and the factors that changed in 2018 I wouldn’t be able to walk into 2019 with the focus I have now.

2018 whooped my ass, but it was an ass beating that I needed. Like when the main character in your favorite movie gets that first initial ass kicking that shows them they really don’t know everything, they really do need help, and they really have a lot of work to do. Well, that’s what 2018 did to me, kicked me right in the ass in order to open my eyes to the effort and possibilities I was about to walk into. I’m ready for 2019, to take the lessons learned from this last year and turn them into victories the entire year long. 🙂

 

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BlerdWerd, MindFood, Queendom,

The Perfection Misconception

Perfection, the quality of being free or as free as possible, from all flaws or defects; a trait that I labored under the idea I had to be, perfect, or as close to flawless as humanly imaginable.


Not offending anyone or stepping on any toes. Forever staying in the good graces of the people in my life, and always making sure to act and speak in a way that pleased others. I would make sure to dedicate my time based on the needs of others. I would try to be as nice as I possibly could, be sweeter than sweet, in order to avoid confrontation or making anyone disappointed in me. I was so worried with pleasing others that I forgot about tending to the most important relationship in my life, my relationship with self.

I spent the last few months of my 20s reflecting on the woman I was becoming, and ways I could better myself. Acknowledging aspects of my inner being that I needed to work on, such as my struggle with anxiety and depression, or my lack of ambition towards pursuing my personal dreams. I spent my days pretending to function successfully in the world, while spending my nights falling asleep on a tear soaked pillow. I had known for a while that I needed to get a handle on the battles that were raging inside of me, but I was choosing to focus on the outside world instead. My first distraction came from the extra attention and time I paid to my day job, adding other worry to my mind as I would struggle to find creative ways to be beyond helpful to my customers and a shining star to the company. After work, I wouldn’t spend my time de-toxing my mind with self-care, instead I’d fill my time with catering to the loved ones in my life. Overly extending myself for the people in my life, who half of the time weren’t even asking for my involvement, but I would always be willing to help. I was also finding myself filling my time with unhealthy relationships that drained my resources and energy, only so I could feel in some type of way that I was needed. All of this extra effort in the lives of others in order to avoid the issues boiling over inside of me and to delay the inevitable and incredibly needed self evaluation.

The avoidance of self was completely intentional. I didn’t want to deal with me, the depressing self-loathing bitch I was inching closer to becoming, and someone else’s chores or issues was so much easier for me to swallow. Easier for me to deal with as opposed to me bringing the depths of my darkest thoughts to the surface and shedding light on them. It wasn’t until my night time tears had become impossible to suppress, and my private sadness began seeping into my public life that I decided it was time to really give the love back to me. It had finally become a necessity to really spend some time with myself and learn to the love the good, the bad, the ugly, and the amazing things that make me, me. Putting me first meant that I would have to accept the fact that I couldn’t be everything to everybody.

I would never be able to do each action and speak each word in perfection as I had been trying to do. I would never spend as much time with each loved one in my life that they would like me to. I was going to disappoint some people, and miss out on some things when choosing myself first; but that didn’t mean that I love anyone in my life any less.  And I found that the great thing about loved ones is that true admirers in your life will continue to adore you in your imperfections.  True loved ones know that in order to love others completely and healthily you have to love yourself first. Perfection is a misconception that none of us will be able to bring to reality, that is why it is most important to have self love so that you know that even if you aren't perfect you are still worthy of accomplishments and love.

 

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BlerdWerd, Queendom,

Sza Complex

When I like someone and feel that connection I think to myself “yes, this is it!” When in reality it is not.


Intuition rings in my ear, like the alarm clock interrupting your dream in the morning. How desperate was I to stay hidden under the covers, engulfed in the ecstasy that my dream world was giving me. I keep hitting the snooze button and resetting my time, until I can’t any longer. I press on snooze until sunshine peeps through my window oh so disrespectfully and wakes my ass up reminding me why I shouldn’t have slept so long in the first place. It opens my eyes and after I adjust to the light I find out what the reality is. The aching reality that comes into view is my devotion to a person being matched by their devotion to themselves.

I live in a world where both men and women admire the SZA like behavior. We enjoy having someone devoted and having something on the side. Born into a world where people don’t want lasting love; they want love like lust that can linger only until they are ready for the next experience. They want to be able to lay with one just to turn around and lay with others. Unfortunately, for people like me, we do NOT want the same thing. We do not need to slide into someone else’s DM’s, we do not want a main and a side piece, we do not want the during the week and weekend thing. We just want the real thing. God how I loathed that “Weekend” song and everything it implied. Not because Sza didn’t song the song beautifully or because the song itself didn’t jam. Not because it wasn’t a big hit, not because it wasn’t played on the radio almost every time I got in the car. My loathing of the song was definitely not because Sza herself is a mediocre artist, because she is one of the baddest bitches in the game. None of those reasons, no, it’s probably because in my case I’m not the weekend lover feeling empowered that she takes a man from his woman if only for a few days. No, most of the time, I’m the during the week bitch who’s giving everything and doing everything for the relationship that is within her strength. I could be the weekend girl, Lord knows he’s blessed me with the looks, but I choose not to. In my younger more selfish days I was the weekend lover for a man, allowing him to have his cake and eat it too with me, then return to his committed main at home. Only to see firsthand the heart break of another that I knowingly participated in. I have been the girl hurt, and I have been the girl that has done the hurting, and I’d rather not assist in hurting another queen.

I just have to face it, I am not Sza. When I have a man he’s not your man too, he’s mine. And when my man has me, he doesn’t have to worry about sharing off of his plate, he can eat his full entrée by his damn self. There’s not a lot who think like me anymore, or if there is, we aren’t being broadcasted. Sometimes I wish I could just be like everyone else. Loving whoever, whenever, fulfilling the void of love by quick and easy conquests. Satisfying their love hunger with tv dinners and fast food; and while the bagged feasts and microwaveable nourishment may quickly alleviate appetite it will never be as satisfying as a dinner that was made with love and full of flavor. For me, I want home cooking and there is nothing wrong with that. Instead of me questioning myself, how about acknowledging the beauty that is me?

Just because the world is one way doesn’t mean I have to be that way. It reminds me of what old parents use to say when talking to their kids about their desires to be in the “in crowd” and do everything precisely as the cool kids do “If you see what’s his name jumping off a cliff you gon’ jump off too?!” The answer would always be an eye roll followed by a reluctant “no”.  But, honestly, if I saw groups of Sza like people jumping off of a cliff one by one I wouldn’t think to myself “Hey, you better get on it! These guys are obviously on to something, you need to get your life Sis, be like everyone else, and jump!”

Hell no! I know who I am and how I love and it is beautiful. I am gorgeous and smart and funny. I’m cooler than the other side of the pillow and my love is as bright as a full moon on a clear night’s sky. Honestly, I’m the shit. Not to sound cocky, but I have to know what I bring to the table in order to know who can sit or cannot sit with me. I know a day coming soon the person of my dreams will walk into my reality, and I have to give them a confident me. It’s important that I know who I am, how I love, how loyal I can be, and how beautiful it is to be someone like me!

 

 

 

 

And eventually…I’ll run into you and you into me

Wandering around the crowd like the others aimlessly

After deciding to seek after what’s lasting and real,

Instead of going through life playing the field.

And you’ll see me and I’ll see you

We’ll take time to bask in each other; wonder how God brought something so true.

And he’ll lead me to you, the one who loves like me.

Waking me from a nightmare into a beautiful reality,

Where our lives don’t overtake each other but they meet.

And our souls apart never feel quite as complete

We’ll sing praises to Yah for allowing this love to come over.

And walk straight into our future, without looking over our shoulders…

0no comment
Outings, Queendom,

The Pajama Jam

Every now a then every strong woman gets the urge to take off the work hat, put down the kids, take a break from household chores, and spend a night with the girls.


We desire one glorious night, with the promises of laughter n drinks, and sometimes a moderate little twerk session. We try not to do this too often, don’t wanna seem like we’re gettin ghost on our families or nothing, but at least every other month or so, the craving sets in, especially around someone’s burfday.

A strong Yaaaaassssss is appropriate whenever we are celebrating a Queen’s day of birth, but on this weekend we were celebrating two. Two Queens, two sisters, two birthdays, two reasons to get together and turn TF up. Now, just to be clear, the “turn-up” doesn’t have to be in the form of a lavish party, or wild adventure. This time the turn up was to be in the form of a nice pajama party for the ladies. Now these weren’t just any pajamas, we wanna do the silk, satin or lace; and in specific colors, black, rose gold, and cream (none of us can do pure white, we grown ass women dawg). The party itself wouldn’t be held at anyone’s home, no, we’re gonna go a little fancy and stay at Hotel Zaza near downtown Houston, make it look seeeexxy *in my Kendrick Lamar voice*.  There would be a crew of beautiful black women, some of which had never met each other, coming together for dinner and a little pajama like fun. Luckily I was blessed to have a few of my day ones at this event with me, my sister in law, her cousin (whom I call cousin as well), and my ace…And while others may have thought we were coming to the pajama jam just to take pictures, they were proven to be very wrong. We came to look good, but we also came to put some music on, play some games, make someone laugh, and shake a lil sumthin sumthin one time for da one time.

The party showed me just how lucky I am to have these beautiful women in my life. They are strong women, caring mothers, loving and committed to their partners, but also funny as hell party people who love to have a good time, and make sure others have fun as well. We are all different, all of us have different lives, but we all respect each other and appreciate those differences. The ladies I have in my life are uplifting never wanting to put another woman down, and they are cool as fuck. They can engage in any type of conversation with absolutely anyone; they can give book smart intelligence and street wise perceptions to boot. I realized there’s nothing out there like my crew, and it’s a true blessings to have a group of women you can grow with, cry with, laugh with, and never tire of meeting up for a good time.  So if you have girlfriends like mine, if you know no crew is as koo as yours, cherish them! Tell those amazing women how wonderful and blessed you are to have them, because when it’s all said and done your friends are one of a kind.

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